Space and Privacy ...by Sr. Julian

When I was growing up, ‘space’ meant outer space: galaxies, planets, even black holes. I became curious about the time when ‘space’ began to mean something personal.

Around 1963, cultural anthropologist Edward Hall began identifying various forms of distance (Proxemics: “study of the amount of space that people feel it necessary to set between themselves and others”). Later, Neuropsychology came along and began to investigate ‘space’ in its extrapersonal, peripersonal and percutaneous forms. These terms aren’t particularly common in everyday usage, so:

• peripersonal space - the space around the body where objects are within arm's reach and can be manipulated

• extrapersonal space - the space that is far away from the body and that cannot be directly acted upon by the body.

• percutaneous space – more of a medical term, referring to something passing through the skin

These days, when I hear the term ‘space,” I almost automatically think of personal space. In just a few decades this shift has occurred! In my experience, personal space is the amount of personal distance between one person and another, or between a person and other sentient creatures, as well as between persons and objects. This distance can vary from person to person as well as culturally, and it’s complicated by our family history, our previous and current relationships with others, and experiences we have had.

How close do you want to be to someone when you are speaking with them or working with them? How close do they want you to be? We usually know when our personal space is being “invaded” because of our feelings of discomfort, and we can tell—if we pay attention—that we may be invading someone else’s personal space when they seem uncomfortable, or for example, take a step back from us. In other words, it’s not necessarily bad breath!

Recently I began to wonder: are space and privacy the same things? I think there are differences. One difference is that privacy may often include solitude, while space may involve others.

On the other hand, in the monastery where I might say “I need some space,” it would mean I need to be alone. This may be true in your life as well. Privacy can also be found in a more public setting: in a cubicle, a closet, behind a closed door in an office or home.

What does it matter--this space and privacy? Do I want space or do I want privacy? Or both? Perhaps it needs to be clear within myself as well as communicated clearly to others. I usually want private space. But if I am in a work setting, maybe I just need space and perhaps there is no privacy option. Interesting. Think about what you need and what you need more of.

I’ve been listening to Sr. Joan Chittister read her book “The Monastic Heart" (Convergent Books, Sept 21, 2021). I always like to hear a book read by the author. The inflections and tone seem to be more real and certainly more accurate!  Sr. Joan has many wonderful ideas and tips in this book. She explores space, privacy, silence, solitude, the monastic cell and much more. She talks about two doors. 

Choices...

Space and privacy may often involve doors. Sr Joan talks about the open door as opening out to the world – a place of outside ministry, outside oneself. The second door closes, providing one privacy and space too. The second door invites a person to be just with herself.

Which door will you open today? Which will you close?

May you seek and find the space and privacy you need.