Changes ....by Sr. Paz
I want to think that life is a continuum, but in reality, it is full of many twists and turns. Life is changing, always moving. Life is cyclical, coming and going, up and down. On difficult days I long for the comfort of the paradise that might have been when I was in my mother's womb. Or the comfort of my childhood, when a kiss or a hug took the pain away and I would continue playing. But there is no way to return, to go back to that “paradise.” The only option is to go forward.
The cold winter and Christmas seem so far away now. There are no more O Antiphons to sing or presents to open. The Christmas trees and the nativity scenes are gone. In Mexico yesterday the people celebrated Candlemas Day or “El dia de la Candelaria.” They would be taking to church the baby Jesus from the Nativity Set, dressed in a new robe, for “The Presentation at the Temple.” After that, people celebrated with tamales and “atole” --a corn-based drink with chocolate.
Here we usually have our candles blessed but don’t celebrate Candlemas Day in the same way as in Mexico. This year Candlemas was on Friday, one of the two days of the week when we don't have Mass. In a short time, here and in almost the whole world we will celebrate Mardi Gras, or Fat Tuesday. Then as in the blink of an eye we will be in Lent. During Lent we don’t sing or say “Alleluias.” It is a time of introspection, repentance and sometimes sadness. After Lent, we will celebrate Easter with so much joy and many “Alleluias.”
Very soon we will again have spring blossoms and birds singing and feeding the new generation. The deer will eat the flowers and try to reach the bird feeder again. It will be time to have colored eggs and rabbits decorating the dining room. This will be my fourth Easter at St Placid. Time flies--or I am afraid time is the same but my perspective of time is different because I am becoming older.
I like celebrations because they remind me that everything begins again, spring follows winter over and over again. Nothing is static, everything is in constant motion and humans make these reminders more exciting with celebrations.
Many things are changing here at the Priory, sisters moving from one office to another, from one position to another. Sr. Lucy said we recycle our jobs and working places. We recycle ourselves, too. The book of Nature reminds me of this all the time, but I am stubborn, I don’t like changes. I could be excited and curious for the new things to come, but I am afraid and I don’t want to let go of the old, good and familiar ones. One day my body will become compost, and like magic, some of my old molecules may return as a flower, or a butterfly, deer or squirrel. I may not have any memory of “I,” but by then maybe I won't care. I may be wise as an owl and anticipate change with curiosity, joy and elation. I may see the “face of God.” I really don’t know what this means. I am not sure if we should wait to see the face of God until we die. Some days I think I see the face of God in the eyes of my little grandniece, in the smile of my grandnephew and in the tender gaze of a grateful nana.
I wonder if one day some one may see the face of God in me. If this happened, I might not notice. I would prefer not to know.
I want to change without resistance. I would like to allow God to make all the changes that I need without resistance or complaints, but God knows me and despite that, God still loves me. I am so grateful for that. My soul blesses my God.